Only If You Do
Your first report · yours to keep
Your couple profile
Your shared list leans toward curiosity: plenty of maybes you hold in common. Every one of them is an invitation to talk, and the conversations section is written for exactly that.
This is a public sample with invented data
This sample is hosted online so you can explore it before taking the questionnaire. Its plan controls save only on this device. Your personal downloaded report works offline, with its private server copy scheduled for deletion after session expiry.
The personal items shown here are mutual matches or boundaries you both independently marked. A one-sided decline stays private and is not written into this file.
There is no right order, but most couples find this one works. Take your time, and read it together if you can.
Everything here, you both chose independently.
How bold your shared list runs
Your matched items by intensity, one dot is gentlest and five is boldest.
Ruby and Theo, the first thing your answers show is how much you already agree on, and how little of it either of you had said out loud. Almost everything on this list is something you each said yes to on your own, without knowing the other had.
Everything that follows is easier to talk about once this part is settled, so it is worth doing before you build your plan.
Why this matters
Most couples find boundaries difficult, and not only the saying-out-loud part. Plenty of people have never worked out where their own lines are, so the conversation either never happens or it happens in the middle of a moment, which is the worst possible time for it.
A boundary is not a restriction on intimacy. It is usually what makes intimacy possible. When you both know where the lines are you stop guessing, and you stop avoiding whole territories out of uncertainty. Trusting that a line will be respected is exactly what lets people relax into everything else.
So treat what follows as a foundation rather than a list of restrictions. A boundary is for understanding, not for negotiating: meeting one with curiosity rather than argument is what makes the next one easier to name.
The shape of this
1 line you both drew in the same place, without knowing the other had.
By topic
Choose a topic above to see the boundaries in it. Taking them a few at a time is usually easier than meeting the whole list at once.
Nothing there. Try another topic.
You each marked these on your own, without knowing the other had. Nobody disclosed anything: you simply gave the same answer. That makes it the easiest possible place to start.
The ones only one of you marked
Those stay private. Only boundaries you both independently marked appear here.
These estimates use aggregate rates from up to 1,433 couples per question. They count shared maybes as well as shared yeses, because both are common ground.
Topic by topic: you, your country, and the world
The share of the same questions you were asked in each topic where you found common ground, counting both a shared yes and a shared maybe. Select any topic to jump to those items in your plan.
The Basics
Toys
Your shared list is longer than 79% of couples.
Your mutual yeses are bolder than 64% of couples.
Aggregate rates from up to 1,433 couples per question. No individual answers exist in this data, theirs or yours.
Couples like you
Number of things with common ground among the same questions you were asked. The estimate sums aggregate match rates for those questions.
You found 7 more than the estimate for these questions.
Based on aggregate rates from up to 334 couples per question. No individual answers exist in this data.
Couples where you live
Number of things with common ground among the same questions you were asked. The estimate sums aggregate match rates for those questions.
You found 6 more than the estimate for these questions.
Based on aggregate rates from up to 607 couples per question. No individual answers exist in this data.
Where couples in general are most curious
The share of all couples who land on a shared maybe in each topic. This is about everyone who has taken this, not about the two of you.
Where couples most often want different things
The share of all couples where one partner said yes and the other said no. Again, this is the whole population, and it is here because it is usually reassuring: every topic has couples who do not line up, and it is completely ordinary.
Your shared maybes, gentlest first. Open any one of them for a way into the conversation, including what it might need and how to raise it without pressure.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
What it might need: A relaxed evening, and no expectation that it goes anywhere in particular.
How to raise it: Bring it up away from the bedroom, framed as something you are curious about rather than something you want.
Neither of you has committed to anything by having it on this list.
This is the practical part. Below is every single thing the two of you matched on. Rather than working through it top to bottom, pick the handful you actually want to do next and add them to your plan, then tick them off once you have.
Two things make this much easier to use. Who does what lets either of you see only the items where you are the one taking the lead, which is the quickest way to plan a night for the other person. Show narrows the list to what is already on your plan, so you are not scrolling past everything else once you have chosen.
Who does what
Show
How bold
Topic and readiness
Have longer, slower foreplay sessions together
Ruby slowly undresses Theo
Theo undresses Ruby using teeth only
Have sex with the lights fully on, in daylight
Have sex in complete silence
Ruby: Been quietly hoping this came up.
Ruby wakes Theo with sex or oral sex, agreed in advance
Worth agreeing limits, a signal to stop, and how you look after each other afterwards, before you try this one.Theo sits on Ruby’s face for oral sex
Ruby talks dirtier to Theo during sex
Theo is more vocal during sex
Theo sends Ruby an explicit message or a revealing photo
Ruby sends Theo a video of Ruby masturbating
Watch porn together
Theo: Yes, somewhere we are not rushed.
Ruby wears sexy lingerie or underwear for Theo
Have sex with each other on top
Ruby edges Theo, keeping them close without letting them finish
Theo confesses a fantasy to Ruby
Theo touches, kisses or sucks Ruby’s breasts and nipples
Have a sexual session with no penetration, only touch, oral sex or toys
Theo stimulates Ruby’s clitoris and vulva by hand
Theo finishes on Ruby’s body
Ruby initiates sex more often
Theo finishes on Ruby’s face
Theo uses a wand massager on Ruby
Theo wears a remote or app controlled toy while Ruby controls it
Theo uses nipple clamps on Ruby
Use a stroker or sleeve toy together
Ruby uses their favourite toy while Theo watches
Nothing matches those filters. Select a filter again to clear it.
A plan is easier to act on when it is one evening rather than a long list. This takes the things you have added to your plan and turns three of them into a running order for a night.
Nothing on your plan yet
Add a few things to your plan above, then come back here and this will build a night out of them. You need at least one.
Let it choose for you
Pick which levels you are in the mood for, then let it build a night from the things on your plan. It puts the gentlest first so the night builds.
Draw from these levels
Those need a conversation about limits and aftercare beforehand, not on the night, so they are left out unless you ask for them.
1 Start with
Usually the gentlest of the three.
2 Then
Where the night goes next.
3 And end with
What you finish on.
However the night goes, leave a little time at the end for each other: no phones, no rush. That part is not on any list.
Common questions, in plain language.
This public sample is hosted on our website and uses invented data. Your personal report is a private download; a server copy remains until the session expires and is then scheduled for deletion. Report emails go to confirmed partner addresses. Anyone with access to a downloaded or emailed copy can open it.
This hosted sample needs the internet to load. Its on-page plan controls work locally after loading. A downloaded personal report is self-contained and works offline.
Your plan and your done marks are saved in this browser, on this device only. If you open the same file on your phone as well, it will start fresh there, because nothing syncs between devices. That is deliberate.
A boundary appears only if you both independently marked it. Any decline marked by just one of you stays private. There is no hidden list of individual answers in this file.
A yes from both of you means you each independently said yes. A shared maybe means at least one of you was curious rather than certain. Both are worth talking about, and the maybes are often the more interesting conversation.
They show how adventurous an item is, from one dot for the gentlest up to five for the boldest. They are a guide, not a judgement.
Some things you do together, and some things one of you does for the other. The filter lets either of you see just the items where you are the one taking the lead, which makes it much easier to plan a night.
Only from the things the two of you already matched on, never anything else. You tell it which levels you are in the mood for, and it picks three and puts them in a sensible order, gentlest first. Anything marked "talk first" is left out unless you ask for it, because those deserve a conversation beforehand rather than a surprise on the night.
Yes. There is a "Print your plan" button next to your plan, and a "Print this night" button under the date night. Both print just that part, not the whole report, so you get something short you can keep somewhere private.
Save the file somewhere you would keep a private document, and remember that anyone with access to that device can open it. If you want it gone, delete the file. That is the whole of it, there is no account to close.
Yes. Taking it again later shows you what has changed, and answers do change over time.
Only If You Do · onlyifyoudo.com · nothing is revealed unless you both want it.