Only If You Do

The couples quiz where no one goes first.

You each answer privately, from yes through to a firm no. What you both said yes or maybe to comes back, along with anything one of you is open to talking about. Everything else stays sealed, then deleted.

No account. Nicknames are fine. Everything, including your email, deletes after 30 days.

01

Answer apart

Each of you answers alone. Your partner never sees your list.

02

Match together

Your shared yeses and maybes, the limits you both drew, and anything one of you is open to talking about, revealed to you both at once.

03

Understand each other

Your interactive report helps couples understand boundaries, where there is room to grow, and each other’s preferences. You can even build a kinky date night from it.

04

Then it’s gone

Answers are hard-deleted after 30 days. No account, nothing to leak.

Optional, after you match

Turn your matches into a plan

Seeing your shared list is free. The full report ($10) turns it into something you keep. You get two versions of the same results: a designed PDF to read or print, and an interactive version you open in a browser, where you can filter your matches, build a plan together, and put a date night in order. It works offline, and our copy deletes with everything else after 30 days.

  • •A roadmap, ordered from tonight to talk-about-it-first
  • •Conversation starters for every shared maybe
  • •How you compare with couples like you
  • •Both versions, plus $5 repeat reports for 14 months

You decide about the report after you have both answered and seen what you share. Nothing is asked for up front.

See only what one of you would be leading on, or only the gentler things.

  • Give each other a massageBoth ways
  • Take a shower togetherBoth ways

Why it works

Why answering apart works

What usually happens

Most conversations about sex stall in the same place. Someone has to say the thing out loud first, without knowing how it will land, and the risk in that moment keeps a lot of couples quiet for years. It is rarely about wanting different things. It is about who has to go first.

What happens here

Answering apart removes that. You each work through the same questions on your own, at your own pace, and the site compares the two sets for you. What comes back is what you both agreed on, plus anything one of you is open to talking about. A firm no stays private, and nothing you answered alone is ever shown as yours.

That is the difference between this and a sex quiz for couples you take side by side on the sofa. Nobody is watching you answer. Nobody has to be brave first.

The questions

What the questionnaire covers

243

questions

8

topics, all but one opt in

3

depth levels, you choose

The eight topics

  • The Basics95
  • B.D.S.M.40
  • Toys22
  • Anal19
  • Other19
  • Public17
  • Group16
  • Roleplay15

You choose which topics are switched on before you start. The basics are always included and everything else is opt in, so it works as a kink test for couples if that is what you want from it, and as a gentler intimacy questionnaire if it is not.

How far it goes

You also set how far it goes. Beginner stays at the gentle end, intermediate covers most of the middle, and advanced opens all of it. Anything outside what you chose is never shown to either of you.

Written for the two of you

Every question is written for your specific couple: your pronouns, your bodies, and the things that are actually possible between the two of you. Nothing arrives phrased for somebody else’s relationship.

The scale

Four answers, not two

  • Yes

    up for this, for sure

  • Maybe

    open to it, or curious

  • Rather not

    prefer not to, open to talking

  • This is a No

    a boundary, and not one I want to move

Why four

Four options rather than a tick box, because a single no has to cover too much ground. The thing you have never considered and the thing you will never do are not the same answer.

How they meet

Yes and maybe both count as common ground, so a yes meeting a maybe is a match worth talking about. Rather not means you would prefer not to but you are open to discussing it, and where one of you was keen, you see the item together as a conversation rather than a closed door. Neither of you is told who was the keen one.

And a firm no

This is a no is a boundary. It stays private unless you both separately choose to share the boundaries you each drew, after your answers are locked and having read your own list first. If either of you would rather not, nothing one-sided is shared, and neither of you is told what the other decided.

The two of you

Who it is for

Two adults, in whatever shape your relationship takes. Couples who have been together long enough that the conversation went quiet, and couples early enough that it has not started yet. People who know exactly what they want and have never found the words, and people who genuinely do not know and would like somewhere to begin.

Only If You Do fits every kind of relationship, whatever your genders and bodies.

Before you start

Common questions

Is it free?
Answering, matching, and seeing your shared list cost nothing. The full report is $10, decided after you have both answered and seen your matches. Repeat reports are $5 for 14 months.
Can my partner see my answers?
Only what you both landed on is revealed. The two exceptions are described above, and both need agreement from both of you.
Do we need an account?
No. There is nothing to sign up for and no profile that builds up. Nicknames are fine, and an email is only used to send the report.
Can we do it on one phone?
Yes. One of you answers and locks it in, then hands the phone over to a completely fresh screen.
How long does it take?
That depends on how much you switch on. The basics alone is 81 questions. All eight topics is 235.

More in the FAQs