The couples quiz where no one goes first.
You each answer privately, from yes through to a firm no. What you both said yes or maybe to comes back. Boundaries you both selected can also appear. Every unmatched answer stays private.
Answer apart
Each of you answers alone. Your partner never sees your list.
Match together
Your shared yeses and maybes and the limits you both drew, revealed to you both at once.
Understand each other
Your interactive report helps couples understand boundaries, your shared interests, and each other’s preferences. You can even build a kinky date night from it.
A 30-day session
Session access expires after 30 days. Answers and stored reports are scheduled for deletion; purchase records remain.
Optional, after you match
Turn your matches into a plan
Seeing your shared list is free. The full report ($10) turns it into something you keep. You get two versions of the same results: a designed PDF to read or print, and an interactive version you open in a browser, where you can filter your matches, build a plan together, and put a date night in order. It works offline. Our stored report copy is scheduled for deletion after 30 days; your downloaded copies stay yours.
- •A roadmap, ordered from tonight to talk-about-it-first
- •Conversation starters for every shared maybe
- •How you compare with couples like you
- •Both versions, plus $5 repeat reports for 14 months
You decide about the report after you have both answered and seen what you share. Nothing is asked for up front.
See only what one of you would be leading on, or only the gentler things.
- Give each other a massageBoth ways
- Take a shower togetherBoth ways
Why it works
Why answering apart works
What usually happens
Most conversations about sex stall in the same place. Someone has to say the thing out loud first, without knowing how it will land, and the risk in that moment keeps a lot of couples quiet for years. It is rarely about wanting different things. It is about who has to go first.
What happens here
Answering apart removes that. You each work through the same questions on your own, at your own pace, and the site compares the two sets for you. What comes back is what you both agreed on. Anything you answered differently stays private.
That is the difference between this and a sex quiz for couples you take side by side on the sofa. Nobody is watching you answer. Nobody has to be brave first.
The questions
What the questionnaire covers
243
questions
8
topics, all but one opt in
3
depth levels, you choose
The eight topics
- The Basics95
- B.D.S.M.40
- Toys22
- Anal19
- Other19
- Public17
- Group16
- Roleplay15
You choose which topics are switched on before you start. The basics are always included and everything else is opt in, so it works as a kink test for couples if that is what you want from it, and as a gentler intimacy questionnaire if it is not.
How far it goes
You also set how far it goes. Beginner stays at the gentle end, intermediate covers most of the middle, and advanced opens all of it. Anything outside what you chose is never shown to either of you.
Written for the two of you
Every question is written for your specific couple: your pronouns, your bodies, and the things that are actually possible between the two of you. Nothing arrives phrased for somebody else’s relationship.
The scale
Four answers, not two
- Yes
up for this, for sure
- Maybe
open to it, or curious
- Rather not
prefer not to; stays private
- This is a No
a boundary, and not one I want to move
Why four
Four options rather than a tick box, because a single no has to cover too much ground. The thing you have never considered and the thing you will never do are not the same answer.
How they meet
Yes and maybe both count as common ground, so a yes meeting a maybe is a match worth talking about. Rather not means you would prefer not to. It does not match, and stays private.
And a firm no
This is a no is a boundary. Only boundaries you both independently marked can appear. A boundary only one of you marked stays private.
The two of you
Who it is for
Two adults, in whatever shape your relationship takes. Couples who have been together long enough that the conversation went quiet, and couples early enough that it has not started yet. People who know exactly what they want and have never found the words, and people who genuinely do not know and would like somewhere to begin.
Only If You Do fits every kind of relationship, whatever your genders and bodies.
Writing
Where couples usually get stuck
- How to ask your partner what they like in bed, without it sounding like a complaint
Why the direct question so often lands as a complaint, and how to ask about your partner's preferences in a way that invites a real answer.
- What to do if your partner says no to something you want to try
How to take a no well, what it usually does and does not mean, and why your response decides whether your partner stays honest with you.
- How to ask for something you have never asked for before
Why the first time you name a want costs so much more than the second, and how to say it so the conversation survives whatever the answer is.
- How to keep sex interesting after years together
Why sex tends to flatten over the long haul, and why re-asking what you each want now works better than any dramatic reinvention.
- Is it normal to have different sex drives? Almost certainly yes
Why mismatched desire is normal, what it usually does and does not mean, and how to talk about the gap without either of you feeling accused.
- How to spice things up in a long-term relationship, without a grand gesture
Why long-term sex tends to narrow over the years, and how small, shared additions keep it alive without any dramatic reinvention.
Before you start
Common questions
- Is it free?
- Answering, matching, and seeing your shared list cost nothing. The full report is $10, decided after you have both answered and seen your matches. Repeat reports are $5 for 14 months.
- Can my partner see my answers?
- Only what you both landed on is revealed. The two exceptions are described above, and both need agreement from both of you.
- Do we need an account?
- No. There is nothing to sign up for and no profile that builds up. Nicknames are fine, and an email is only used to send the report.
- Can we do it on one phone?
- Yes. One of you answers and locks it in, then hands the phone over to a completely fresh screen.
- How long does it take?
- That depends on how much you switch on. The basics alone is 81 questions. All eight topics is 235.