FAQs
Questions couples actually ask
How does the matching work?
You each answer the same questions privately, choosing yes, maybe, rather not, or no. Once you have both finished, our server compares the answers and reveals only the overlap. For something you would both do together, that means you both answered it the same way. For something with a giving and a receiving side, it means one of you said yes to doing it and the other said yes to receiving it, which is what makes it actually possible. A firm no is never revealed unless you both marked the same thing, or unless you both separately agree to share your boundaries. A rather not may be shown as a conversation to have, which is what that answer means, and the answer screen says so before you choose it.
What do the four answers mean?
Yes means you would be up for it. Maybe means you are open to it, or curious. Rather not means you would prefer not to, but you are open to talking about it. This is a No means it is a boundary for you, and not one you want to move. The three behave differently on purpose. A maybe can match. A rather not may be shown to your partner as a conversation to have, which is what being open to talking means, and the answer screen tells you so before you choose it. A no is closed, and is only ever shared if you both decide to share your boundaries.
Why does my report name which one of us does what?
Because that is the only way round it works. Plenty of things have a giving side and a receiving side, and we ask you about each separately. If one of you said yes to doing it and the other said yes to receiving it, that is a real match, and the report says which of you is which. If you both said yes to both sides, it is marked as working both ways. We would rather tell you exactly what you agreed to than leave you guessing who meant what.
What is the Doors left open section?
The things where one of you was interested and the other would rather not, for now. They are not matches and they are not disagreements: rather not means you are open to talking about it, so somebody left a door open. We never say which of you was the keen one, because knowing would turn a conversation into a request. Nothing in that section needs doing. An answer given once is a snapshot rather than a verdict, and plenty of them will still be a not now in a year, which is a perfectly good outcome. Anything either of you marked as a boundary is never in there.
Do we ever find out what we both said no to?
In two ways. Anything you both independently marked as a boundary is always shown to both of you, because neither of you learns something the other did not already say. Beyond that, once your answers are locked we ask each of you, separately, whether you would like to share the boundaries only you marked. Those are shown only if you both say yes, and it is all of them or none. If either of you would rather not, nothing one-sided is shared and neither of you is told who decided what. A shared list of boundaries is common ground in its own right, and it is usually the easiest place to start talking about limits.
Can my partner see my answers?
Not your answers, no. Your partner sees the items you both said yes or maybe to, revealed to both of you at once; anything you both marked as a boundary; and, where one of you was open and the other chose rather not, the item may appear as a conversation to have, which the answer screen tells you before you choose it. Boundaries only you marked are shared solely if you both agree. Everything else stays on the server. A yes your partner did not share is never revealed under any circumstances, never counted in a way that gives it away, and never appears in the report.
Is it free?
Seeing your mutual matches on screen is free. The full report is an optional one-time purchase of $10 US, or $5 US with a return code from a previous report. There are no subscriptions and no recurring charges.
How do we take it together?
One of you starts and answers first, then either sends the other a private link or simply hands over the same device. The second person gets a completely fresh screen: nothing the first person answered is visible. Results appear only after you have both finished.
Is it anonymous?
There are no accounts and no sign-up. You each pick a name or nickname (it does not have to be your real name) and provide an email address so your report can be delivered. Everything, including the email addresses, is hard-deleted 30 days after your session begins.
What questions will we be asked?
The bank covers eight topics: the basics, toys, B.D.S.M., anal, public, group, roleplay, and other. You choose which topics are on and how adventurous the set runs before anyone answers, and the basics are always included. Questions adapt to who you each are, so every question reads correctly for your specific couple.
What is in the paid report?
Two versions of the same results, emailed to both of you and yours to keep. A designed PDF to read or print, and an interactive version you open in any browser: filter your matches, see which things each of you would be leading on, build a plan together, and put a date night in order. Both cover your full match list ordered by readiness (start tonight, plan for it, talk first), conversation openers for every shared maybe, practical guidance where your matches cluster, and how you compare with other couples from aggregate data. The interactive version works with no internet connection, and our copy deletes with everything else after 30 days.
See a sample reportWhat is a return code?
Every report comes with a three-word code worth $5 repeat reports for 14 months. Retake the questionnaire later, enter the code at checkout, and your new report includes a section on what changed since last time. Either partner can use it.
What if we match on very little?
That is a real result, and more common than you might think on a first pass. It usually means two people answering honestly rather than guessing what the other wants to hear. Many couples retake with a different pace or more topics switched on.
What happens to our data?
Your answers exist on our servers only to compute your mutual matches, and the entire session (answers, matches, emails, and the stored copy of your report) is hard-deleted 30 days after it begins. What survives a purchase: the payment record, your return code (stored scrambled), and the list of mutual items you both consented to reveal. Aggregate, couple-level statistics also feed an anonymous benchmark pool that can never be traced back to you.
Do you sell data or show ads?
No. We sell reports for $10. There are no ads, no data sales, and no marketing use of anything you answer.
What shows up on my card statement?
ONLYIFYOUDO.COM. Payment is handled by Stripe on their secure checkout page; your card details never touch our servers.
Something else on your mind? Contact us, or read the privacy policy in full.