Only If You Do

How it works

Nothing is revealed unless you both want it

The whole product is built around one mechanic: you each answer privately, and only mutual answers are ever revealed. Here is the full journey, start to finish.

  1. 1

    One of you starts

    Confirm you are both 18 or older, choose your pace (gentle through to everything) and which topics are on the table, and enter a nickname and email for each of you. The basics are always included; everything else is opt-in. No account is created, ever.

  2. 2

    Answer apart

    All your questions appear on one continuous page, grouped by topic, each answered on a four-point scale: yes, maybe, rather not, or no. A no marks a boundary rather than a simple decline, and a rather not leaves the door open to talking about it, so it may be shown to your partner as a conversation to have. The screen tells you that before you choose it. Every answer saves as you go, and an optional note can ride along with any answer. Your partner cannot see any of it: answers live server-side, readable by no person.

  3. 3

    Hand over or send a link

    Share a private one-time link, or hand your partner the same device: their screen starts completely fresh. They confirm their own details, add their email, and answer the same set of questions, phrased correctly for who they are.

  4. 4

    Match together

    The moment you have both finished, the server compares answers and reveals only the overlap, to both of you at once: things you both said yes to, and things where neither of you said no. Where something has a giving and a receiving side, we match one against the other, so what you see is what can actually happen, and the report names which way round it works. You also see anything you both marked as a boundary, since neither of you learns something the other did not already say. Anything either of you declined alone simply is not there, and never will be.

  5. 5

    Go deeper with the report (optional)

    For $10 you can turn your matches into a report, emailed to both of you in two versions: a designed PDF to read or print, and an interactive version you open in a browser, where you can filter your matches, build a plan together, and put a date night in order. Both carry a roadmap ordered by readiness, conversation openers for every shared maybe, practical guidance, and how you compare with other couples from aggregate data. It comes with a return code worth $5 repeat reports for 14 months.

  6. 6

    Then it is gone

    Thirty days after your session began, everything hard-deletes: answers, notes, matches, emails, and our copy of both report files. What is already in your inbox is yours to keep. What persists after a purchase is only the payment record, your scrambled return code, and the list of mutual items you both consented to reveal.

Ready when you both are

Free to take, free to see your matches. Questions about privacy? Read how the privacy actually works or the FAQs.

Start together

See what the report looks like

A short sample for a couple who do not exist, built by the same code that builds a real one. Nothing to sign up for. Or read what the report gives you and why couples find it useful.

See a sample report