Only If You Do

How it works

Nothing is revealed unless you both want it

The whole product is built around one mechanic: you each answer privately, and only mutual answers are ever revealed. Here is the full journey, start to finish.

  1. 1

    One of you starts

    Confirm you are both 18 or older, choose your pace (gentle through to everything) and which topics are on the table, and enter a nickname and email for each of you. The basics are always included; everything else is opt-in. No account is created, ever.

  2. 2

    Answer apart

    Questions appear on one page, grouped by topic. Choose yes, maybe, rather not, or a firm no. Yes and maybe can match; rather not stays private. Only boundaries you both marked can be shared. Changes save as you go, and you can add a note. Notes appear only with mutual matches and never go to the narrative model. Locking your answers waits for confirmed saves.

  3. 3

    Hand over or send a link

    Share a private one-time link, or hand your partner the same device: their screen starts completely fresh. They confirm their own details, add their email, and answer the same set of questions, phrased correctly for who they are.

  4. 4

    Match together

    The moment you have both finished, the server compares answers and reveals only the overlap, to both of you at once: things you both said yes to, and things where neither of you said no. Where something has a giving and a receiving side, we match one against the other, so what you see is what can actually happen, and the report names which way round it works. You also see anything you both marked as a boundary, since neither of you learns something the other did not already say. Anything either of you declined alone simply is not there, and never will be.

  5. 5

    Go deeper with the report (optional)

    For $10 you can turn your matches into a report, emailed to both of you in two versions: a designed PDF to read or print, and an interactive version you open in a browser, where you can filter your matches, build a plan together, and put a date night in order. Both carry a roadmap ordered by readiness, conversation openers for every shared maybe, practical guidance, and how you compare with other couples from aggregate data. It comes with a return code worth $5 repeat reports for 14 months.

  6. 6

    Then it is gone

    Session access expires 30 days after it began. Automatic cleanup removes session answers, notes, matches, contact details and stored report files. Downloaded or emailed copies stay with you. Purchase and return-code records and anonymous aggregate counts persist as described in the privacy policy.

Ready when you both are

Free to take, free to see your matches. Questions about privacy? Read how the privacy actually works or the FAQs.

Start together

See what the report looks like

A short sample for a couple who do not exist, built by the same code that builds a real one. Nothing to sign up for. Or read what the report gives you and why couples find it useful.

See a sample report